Nothingness

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I am the unmanifested, the unfemifested observing the multi layers and veils dissolve in rapidity. What I am left with is surrender, allowing and receiving…great leaps of trust. I get acquainted with unknowing and can only be in this moment.

What is my higher purpose? To be, to enthuse from within, to see who am I once the interruptions of thought, analysis, diagnosis has vanished. In essence, I vanish…then I am.
Can I accept who I am? Can I embrace with loving arms the continual depth of nothingness and know this depth is how I serve? That is continually being revealed each and every moment. Can I trust what I am left with when every iota of illusion falls away? That’s what I am with no disguise.

Of late I have noted my very essence yearns to enthuse other and fire up the unfolding potential. But there is a pitfall, one to be examined very closely. As I enter you or that and enthuse, the question I ask “Am I vicariously living my attachment through other or that? Is this potential that I see, this light that shines before my very heart overflowing with brilliance another of me? Is this other of me, at a distance, a deluded exercise of illusion that I disguise as not my responsibility yet my act of attachment through you, through that? As without you, without that the potent nothingness comes quickly back to me. Is the “other” and the “that” somehow a buffer for my own self service?

As I detach from these episodes of enthusing other I go flat, I fall directly into the abyss. I experience my nothingness elsewhere and albeit I have developed a deeper relation. Thus upon departure I fall more greatly than when I entered. Then who am I? Same being only further into nothingness with less illusion to hold on to. I experience all the fears and agonies of release and the superficial security gone yet that something that led me there, that yearned to enthuse walks away with me, perhaps a bit amorphous but none the less walks away with me.

Could it be that nothingness simply is unrecognizable in our existing world? Is it that illusion is so multi-faceted that we are deceived at the many levels of release? Absolutely! The delusion is deep, thick and ever consuming. That’s why the path can and is so grueling at times. It’s an infinite release of toxic waste no different from the earth spitting her dark phlegm. But do we dare? Is the spark within lit enough now that there is no doubt? Eventually, yes! So forward we go great warriors of light. Out of the nothingness we light up the world.

boldly i enter yet another form so innocently and naive…it’s simply what i do….the heart pulses and the direction is before me, no turning away just going forth…
blindly decisions are made, emotions are swaying and the observer in-courages me on…

i support whatever and wherever i am…i light up worlds and i leave them…missions seem to get accomplished…things seem to grow and then i curl back into the cacoon to become something else, to be drawn to another form that reaches for light, reaches for enthios…

as i approach and enthuse what is i am fully in form,
the form that now has my attention and presence…
as i depart i return to the formless and i am suspended awaiting the next mission…
in the interim i self examine over and over and over who am i?
i have returned to nothingness and no longer recognize myself…i am no longer who i was when on task…i am now regrouping with nothing… therefore nothing occurs…

now i embrace this life theme and recognize all the patterns and angst trying to understand who i was when i no longer was on task…
i simply return to the nothingness that i am

illusion had me by the heels as i became the form i enthused, fully engaged, fully committed, absolute dedication
the departure time would near and my fear would arise knowing the abyss that awaited me…always a reorientation to what is…

however now i recognize the path and i begin to rejoice at the return home that always awaited me after mission completed
the difference this time is i know the form will experience a meltdown and this is to be celebrated
yes, i return to not knowing and the grace of god/goddess within
it’s simply the divine process of going home over and over and over again

i am home now, formless and in the enthios of my own divine self
there is nowhere for me to go or ponder or conjure
i simply am that i am and await the next calling
but this time i know more than i did before
i know i will re-enter form for form sake not for I

when i re-enter i will recognize all the brilliance and potential of the new form
i will conquer the existing illusion and bring light into matter
i will co-create a better existence in whatever i do, whatever i enthuse
i will witness growth and destruction by my very nature of presence
i will observe the tears of departure and fear
i will comfort the soul as long as it wants me
then i will depart at the brim of overflowing and allow all to be what it is to be
only this time i will recognize the signs and prepare my journey away in silence and knowing and integrity
that is simply what occurs
these are the aftermath of war and crisis
this is when the radiant sun is too much to bare
sun must retreat and allow the growth to occur

only this time i don’t walk away injured
in fact, this time i stay to watch, to observe what indeed is to follow with me no longer within the form
this time i witness my own divinity seeded into maturity
this time i lovingly watch my children grow and wean and evolve
this time i sit quietly in my silence and formlessness knowing i have done great deeds and will do more
there can be no attachments, the attachments are removed
i only partook as part of the serving
i now release as part of the completion
there is no wonder anymore of why i return to this formless nothingness
it is where i came from and it is where i return each time after battle
i am home now, recovering, gaining wisdom and preparing for the next adventure
i will re-enter again as i always do
only this time i truly have divorced myself from the illusion
this time i really know the illusion is what i came to dissolve and illusion is what i walk away from…no strings attached, no memories or hope…simply a “spiritual walk-away” knowing it is a pattern, a spiritual pattern, a life theme that no longer creates anguish in my heart…simply a celebration of complete devotion

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