Deep Yearning

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It has been a time of going in and finding out what is the “big yearning” about?! I would have to say this has been a life theme. It has created one scenario after another of predictable outcomes. I finally said “NO”! I’m tired of the predicatble happenings, habits, patterns and blatantly true, addictions.

I have always thought that we didn’t really have the heart quite right as in what is love? It has felt to me that we love from our mind. As a result we experience guilt and shame and attachment to this very thing we call love.

As I started my inner search for the meaning of “yearning” I readily was brought to the subject of attachment. Yearning typically is for something outside of ourselves, something we think we need or want or desire. Thus when the yearning cannot be met we literally suffer and engage with our variety of pain bodies. On the otherhand we have all heard about unconditional love but do we really understand and practice this? I think we have moments of this genuine experience but like a spiritual practice we have momentary epiphanies and ah ha’s too. The sustaining of this root source is something we ultimately look for.

I put myself to a test recently and started to listen to when my body was “yearning” for something. I chose my closest relationship to see if, in fact, I was yearning for whatever I was attached to or was I genuinely feeling unconditional love. Well, lo and behold, I could identify the yearning as in an addiction. I noticed that when I was missing the other or yearning for them it suddenly took on the same face as needing a “fix”. Yes, just like an addiction. Wow! Did that knock my socks off! Well, that started a whole backwards journey of reviewing absolutely every relationship I could possibly remember.