Nothing entered my awareness years ago, while be-ing gently prompted to go within, that “The Path of The Call” would have led me to where I Am in this moment. The nudges of then and mostly along the way were whispers, gentle, gentle breezes barely creating a flutter upon my skin. Yet, each and every time I cried out for freedom and deep understanding I would find myself sensitive to those tiny, tiny impulses. Out of complete despair and numbness I fell into that abyss over and over again. Although I would certainly experience the relief and inner sighs of exhale I could not sustain the experience of peace. The small moments flew in and flew out before I could even dwell upon the grace I had received. Thus, the path was set, the search was on…I wanted more. I wanted to prolong the generation of that essence. I wanted, wanted, wanted and to no avail, each and every time it was pure surrender that provided the koan of life that was before me. I hit the road and never looked back. This code, I was determined to crack.
From an early age I would climb into dark closets, empty vacant spaces and burrough under anything that looked like an animal nest. I created child size huts, tents, forts, tree houses to quietly call my niche. At any given moment like an animal be-ing chased I could always find a place to hide, escape and be in my own puddle called life. Inevitably, I’d fall into a deep sleep once comforted by the the complete darkness and quiet that surrounded me. I was a dreamer and the dreamer was me. There was always much comfort in my sleep. There was always much pain in my awakening.
I recall a message my Mom repeatedly said to me and it stuck even until now “You’re really a loner aren’t you?”. Yes, in Oneness sense, I Am.
As I entered relationships throughout life and experienced the same patterns and loops of anguish that I did as a child, the wanting of that dark, quiet space would reappear. This became a prominent haunt throughout my life. A haunt only because I didn’t “fit in” I couldn’t “conform” and I sought a “freedom” that was never defined. As you can imagine “relationships” if not expansive and growing would become the “demon muses” of the inner strife that would ultimately “Get Lit”. Thus, the journey of a lifetime.
There was the blatant period of life that, of course, I made my own best effort to conform, fit in but it felt fake. I assumed roles that would be most efficient for this “free spirited” self but ultimately I became bored and really unchallenged. Clearly, the dark spaces of quietude were becoming more nurturing than not. I returned to explore that comfort.
After long and effortful attempts to eliminate what gave me greatest comfort I truly surrendered. I was determined to fight all the inner battles and demons that in anyway tried to persuade me from this truth. I started to nurture and cultivate anything and everything that “rocked my inner boat” and do everything within my power to “feel good about it”.
I Am now in Full Sail. From this perspective, I continue.
I Am in love with me. I no longer compare my internal needs to anyone and as a result I no longer judge other’s of their needs. The growing spaciousness for myself has extended to the respect of the growing spaciousness for others. Within the parameters of a 3D Matrix reality I have gained understanding of our wounded and our healing selves during this earthly experience. The conclusions I have come to about my needs and the depth of loving me transfers to the understanding of what others may need for themselves. It is not particularities necessarily that I identify for others it is a spaciousness and freedom to understand one’s self in an environment of freedom, an environment that embraces the 6 Virtues of the heart, for one’s self. Those virtues be-ing, Appreciation, Forgiveness, Compassion, Humility, Understanding and Courage.
Everyone has different needs and what seems to be of utmost importance is that an individual recognize and tend to those needs. It is not a path of changing anyone else. It is a path of loving yourself so much you tend to every need from within. This has been an awkward stage for Humon to give to themselves exactly what they need. More often than not doing this self-grace readily is in confrontation with either their environment or “other”. Compromise is not an option IMO.
At the roots of genuine love for thyself is the 3D Matrix reality in which we live. It has been a sophisticated design that, in fact, deters each of us from self love. This has been a deliberate act of separation. Those struggles are apparent in every direction one seeks “freedom” especially the “freedom” to love thyself. What to do? This is the permeating question of eons and these times. The practice of answering that question is your personal, spiritual path. The root of that answer comes from self love. The pain and suffering of uncovering the antidote to that answer is where the 6 Virtues of the Heart assist. In the end, your choice.
My pain and suffering has been a denial of the very things that bring me joy, albeit, dark, spaces of quietude as an overall theme. From that very nurturing foundation that I give to myself peace and grace are friends of my be-ingness. As I give this to myself I go home…to me, within, source.
Upon the recognition of my true home I continue to contemplate how best to navigate in the 3D Matrix. I examine purpose, I ask deep questions and I observe answers and invite integration. The unraveling of self I have come to accept as an immortal gift and grace of Creation.
As you can sense by now this is an infinite conversation. But what I want to summarize is the immense layers of loving thyself. The simple recognition of your peculiarities is a great place to start.
Without judgement, be-ing able to identify and accept them is a way to provide comfort for yourself. This is a solo task. There is no comparing to anything. However, the thickness of corruption has infiltrated our very loving be-ings. Our minds have been intentionally cluttered with all the fears, doubts, despair, etc. that interrupts our self love. The very desire to be at peace is disturbed. Our activity level distracts us from the quietude that reveals who we really are. And how can a “slave” yes, a “slave” find peace and the love of thyself from within if the Master is keeping them busy with “survival” busy and tethered to the J.O.B., mortgage, car payment and on and on. How can a “slave” be free? NOT!
My demons were all generated from my “mind”. I accepted the external tactics into my own be-ing until one very important day I said “No More”. I picked up my Spiritual Warrior Sword, called in Kali and said “I Am going to rise up from this enslavement and command the inner space of my be-ing to love thyself beyond the illusion that surrounds me. I’m taking my mind, body, emotions and spirit back”! This was like an experience in AAA. I had to acknowledge and own my addictions and entrappings before I could even begin to see my path to healing, self love and freedom. And true to the metaphor, it is very sobering when one initiates full control, full self responsibility for one’s be-ingness.
Now life takes a very different turn. Now self empowerment opens doors, portals and dreams come true. “NOW” is the key word to “Freedom”.
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Two Books are now ready for purchase.
“Diary of A Blue Be-ing” Part One, A multi-dimensional, rhythmic, poetic, cosmic collection of excerpts portraying an intimate exploration of self unraveling as a Divine Spiritual Be-ing within a Divine Earthly Suit. – Available for purchase here: http://www.oronjo.com/live/next/?fi=97158
“Shamanic Improvisation” A body of work developed over the past 35 years sharing guidance and prompts in “The Art of Be-ing In The Moment” and “Going Between The Worlds”.
Shamanic Improvisation is sensing and feeling, moving and sounding with each and every subtle energy. Through the quieting of within we learn to hear and feel the impulses of our inner dance.
I gently guide you and create a safe environment for you to uncover your Shamanic Dancer-Sounder-Spoken Word Self.
As the journey unfolds you learn about the alchemist within, the be-ing inside of you who transforms and makes necessary changes.
This alchemical magic occurs while dancing “Between the Worlds.
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