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“Round Table With Myself” Thanks to CC-iN, Dani & Lisa
I Am laughingly having a “Moment” of revelation. Indeed, I Am having a “Round Table With Myself” while lovingly applauding CC-iN, Dani and Lisa. I do hope I convey the depth of what I Am feeling and the recognition of how each of these parties is my “muse” for the moments of this writing. LoL!
Let’s go backwards in time for a bit. My first impressions and emotions regarding the parting of CC-iN, Dani and Lisa was first, shock and then grief. I chose to sit back for awhile to just allow myself space to feel what I needed to feel with deliberate discipline of no comment, no judgement and no taking of sides. This was a very important and very aware choice of mine as I love each of them sincerely.
I watched, read, viewed what was coming out on the social network, conversations, messages, Skype rooms, etc. I empathized with all of it…the anger, dis-belief, shared loss, confusion and wanting to know more, more, more.
I sat and I sat some more and I sat even more asking for my deeper understanding to be revealed. I took time away from all of it just so I could examine WTF and WhoTF Am I in this scenario. All I could do was examine my feelings. There was nothing “out there” that was determining Who or What I was in this scenario. All I knew is that I felt deeply, hard and highly sensitive about it all. The entrance to my “rabbit hole” was now revealed…thanks to my “muses” CC-iN, Dani and Lisa.
So this is what happened to me while I was asking every iota of my be-ing to reveal some Love Wisdom to myself, some deeper understanding of WTF is going on.. And this is where I truly started laughing.
The whole scenario as “I” was viewing it happened to me. I had an immediate occurrence in my own life that mirrored back to me exactly what “I” was perceiving. That last part of this statement is very important, please note again “What “I” was perceiving”. This is “key”.
As this very personalized experience ran through me I was able to examine more intimately all my responses and relationship to what “I” perceived happening with my “muses”.
Without going into details I will share the perceptions of my own scenario. I had made every effort to make a change in my life circumstances, which involved other parties, with the least amount of bumps as possible. I knew if I addressed the issues that concerned me head on there would probably be cause for friction. So I proceeded with this very well thought out plan of action that in “my perception” would appease both parties and smoothly achieve what “I Thought” would be best for all. The first communication I had was well thought out, intentioned with good outcome and I felt I was covering all bases especially my own. The response was not anything I expected and in fact shook my world up.
It’s the “shaking up of my world” that became the “telling”. Now please note there is some similarity and not in my story. Remember I Am recognizing the “muses” and how I came to the place I Am heading for in this explaination.
My “shaking up” experience embraced feelings of be-ing dis-missed, not be-ing given fair exchange, a neglect of communication and overall rejection with no feeling of care for what I may be experiencing. BOOM! The emotions were present and my body was on fire. CLUE TIME!
I sat my butt down really quick and said “holy shit, WTF”. I was filled up, overloaded, aghast and glazed over with too many emotions. However, I did know all along I was going to have to chill TF Out, get still and get real about what was happening.
At this time in my life I have come along far enough to know that this had to be ALL mine to resolve. I knew my conclusions could not hold judgement, no matter what. I knew bottom line Self Love would be a necessary act. I knew I was deepening my understanding of “neutrality” and this had to be experienced and understood with that in my be-ingness. I knew a lot of things and this was the grand opportunity, and certainly not the last, to practice what I preach…to myself, of course.
My emotional viewing readily revealed I had issues. My heart revealed I wanted a creative resolution with more Love Wisdom gained. My mind was at war with ego versus neutral. I wanted neutral. War mind wanted War and definitely a righteous position of right and wrong. I knew better but better wasn’t going to be about denial. Better was going to be a clean, clear genuine sweep of “WTF does not serve”. I had no choice with the “beliefs” that I hold but to feel my way through until I was clean and comfortably back in “neutral zone”.
Now here is the real “magic and muse” part of this telling. Be certain you understand I Am not suggesting or imposing my particular details upon CC-iN, Dani or Lisa. I Am in no way saying my interpretations are for them. OK? Do you get my genuine disclaimer?! Then let’s proceed. Here’s the kicker!
As I’m moving thru the above scenario I had such a REVELATION. I recognized in that moment that in all my sincere desire to understand my feelings about CC-iN, Dani and Lisa I called a scenario “in” that reflected “my own perception” of what was going on so that “I” could understand in a way that “I” could understand. The projection and perception has nothing to do with CC-iN, Dani or Lisa. It’s all my own. Do you truly get what I Am saying here?!
When I realized this was my own calling and my “muses” were simply “muses” I was able to unravel a shit-load of myself. I was able to un-cover my desire to control outcome and my disappointment at not be-ing able to. I was able to see that sure I could take a side, see a right or wrong but of what purpose would that serve?! I could see how a dualistic position tore me apart and put pressure on me to choose something I didn’t want to choose about. I could see the desire to form an opinion so I felt ok.
But in the end, after I lovingly allowed all my emotions to be present, I sat back and I started to experience all the tension melting away. I softly sank back into a neutral viewing where none of it mattered. I recognized my dualistic struggle and said “Fuck No” but with laughter…recognizing the cosmic joke was on me…ALL of it.
The laughter got bigger when I now viewed my own “Round Table” with whomever I chose as my “muses”. I witnessed my version of a “Transpicuous News” Report filled with all kinds of good crap and looking to connect the dots thanks to D’s outrageous model of journalism. I went beyond my limitations and beliefs and un-covered my own “Collective Imagination” thinking and saying whatever the hell I wanted to and trusting there were kernels of truth somewhere in this great Universe….Thankyou Lisa. CC-iN was just that “A SEE SEE IN” that once again provided a platform for me, the audience, to do whatever I wanted with my own alternative Bad Ass Self Viewer. Thank you Biggi and Mel Ve for the platform. And in my conclusive statement, thanks to our darlin Dani…I Now Am The UnTangled Gathering!!!! Buhaaaaahaaaaa…as D would blurt out.
Blue Star Deerwomon
Do whatever you want with this article because it has NOTHING to do with me. It’s ALL about you. NOW do you want to take responsibility for ALL that you call Your life?!
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