Something In The Truth-Telling Scares Us

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Something In The Truth-Telling Scares Us

Back in the 70’s I was involved in several groups addressing the topic of “Racism”. One of the most poignant thoughts and awareness that I walked away with was that the oppressed typically internalized the oppression of the oppressor at a more severe level than it was issued. I examined this for years and finally bridged this psychological symptom to my own personal strife of having been physically, psychically, mentally and sexually abused as a child. I went on to lead many workshops as a result of this chosen healing path and share the truths I un-covered for myself. Today I Am still chewing on the Now wisdom of these experiences.

The premise of my teachings has always been “We Are All Abused”. Even if we didn’t have a scenario that resembled the horrors of someone who reported on the gruesome details of their horror it was obvious to me that the abuse ran deep and it was as invisible as it was visible. Now I see this rampantly threaded throughout the planet as just one aspect of our psychological suffering resulting in what was so aptly called “Internalized Oppression”.

As I have reviewed my past many, many times I have un-covered so many insights as to why I behave the way I do in my present situations. I have connected the dots for years and just about anything and everything will lead me back to my childhood. Thus, the incredible importance of nurturing and cultivating our children with stringent parameters of safety, truth and integrity. And, yes, an extremely difficult challenge in our world today. But more importantly the challenge is the responsibility of the parents and guardians first and foremost. If the caregivers aren’t clean and clear we already know we’ll pass the unclearness and the uncleanliness down through our lineage.

When I was terrorized as a child the extreme fear instilled in me and the instinctive nature to survive pushed my limits of what possible escapes were available to me. After finding no physical safety I turned in on myself and started the perfect cultivation of psychological denial, delusion and fantasy. This prepared the way for my truest comfort “out there” in the ethers. As a result my telepathic and psychic abilities were honed and developed.

In retrospect one of my survival tools was the ability to intuitively know the next move, thought, word of my assaultant. In this way I learned to be very strategic. I studied the assaultant (and there were more than one but I will speak to just one of them for now) from every possible angle and scenario so I would become ever more keen at predictions of behavior. Obviously, this was a survival tactic. Little did I know I was learning the most specialized tools for continuing life in general.

As a survivor not only was I able to sense the danger waaaay before it occurred and strategize waaaay before the event happened I was able to participate in controlling and influencing the behavior and outcome. I learned body language and I observed energetic changes. I became a magician and manipulated matter and substance. My strategies got quite good.

Well maturity occurred and I arrived in my voracious teens and started to recognize I had some real power going on. I had learned all the terroristic tactics like raising my voice, pumping my body up to 10 times its size, getting some good mean and scary faces, jumble language to confuse the other party so they would become prey to my desires, put the charm on when I knew I could seduce the outcome of my dreams, be threatening and quite righteously become a most efficient perpetrator myself.

However, at the time of acquiring all these nasty skills I did not know I was doing it. It wasn’t until much later that I started to trip over myself with these nasty ways when I desired intimacy, relationships and right mindfulness. Something in me was clearly in juxtaposition of what I wanted or what I sensed genuinely wanted to emerge.

So the day in my teens arrived when I took my most potent stance. I faced the assaultant who once again was raising his hand to nail me. While that hand was in mid air and only inches from my body with a face angrily in mine I powered up and said “You F—in lay a hand on me and I’ll Kill You”! Everything in my be-ing was behind these words. I knew I could do this, my 130 lbs verses his 270 lbs was no problem!!! That was the last day this assaultant ever raised or laid a hand on anyone.

Why Am I telling this story? Because I internalized this oppression. As I stated above I oppressed my inner self much beyond what the oppressor did to me. My entire life has been an unraveling of this scenario.

Today I recognize the “Internalized Oppression” is what we call dumbed down, manipulated, mind controlled and made into “sheeples”. I see how some of the survivor tactics that I learned are visible in people all around me not only in obvious ways but the more hidden and invisible ways. Those, to me, are more damaging than an external blow to the head. The internalized confusion and self doubt is daunting and I see it everywhere.

I’m sharing these personal reflections because in my experience of offering workshops for many years on this topic I have witnessed it provides a spark or mirror in others in helping them identify some of these deep seated “internalized oppressions”. I hope you as a reader can reflect upon your own.

In my opinion, this is THE topic of psychological warfare. It’s about the invisible mechanisms of oppression. And it has stifled our ability to speak our truths because it scares us to be in the face of “re-actions. “Something in the truth-telling scares us.”

At this point in my life I have taken a stance that I no longer want to participate or contribute to duality. Thus, I choose to not take sides or gather whatever evidence I want to attach myself to in order to prove my dualistic position. I choose what some may refer to as the “middle path”. I do not state this as yet another dualistic position of “concept”. I Am seriously seeking the place of a healthy witness and the deeper understanding of “love wisdom”. Thus, I have gathered from my life experience all the evidence of my own life as to what is my “internalized oppression”. As a result I can readly recognize it all around me. We are a very unclean peoples in my opinion and I don’t say that in a degrading way. I say and speak it as truth with great compassion for what we are battling. The battle is within. The world is simply a reflection of how unclean we have become for all kinds of reasons. Now I proceed to break it down and unravel this mess to the best of my ability. It’s a painful path, humbling, humiliating, depressing, isolating, doubtful and, yes, a glorious freedom knowing who we are at our core.

As I observe the many platforms via media and social networks my alarms go off continuously. As much as we have those of us speaking out about issues and proposing yet another healing technique or raising suspisician about yet another’s view on how to heal the world it all becomes meaningless to me. I still don’t see us cutting to the chase and getting to the real issues. I see loops and patterns and repeating of his-tory still going strong. I see the same old story with new devices, the next shiny seductive thing and another artistic approach to delivering the same oppressive words. I see people enactng some of the same survival tactics I learned as a child and still not having a clue that they are exhibiting “internalized oppression”.

“Righteous” a word I see as “Right-Us”. When I witness a person be-ing “Righteous” the energetic drive behind it is experienced by me as that person trying to “Right-Me” to their ways, opinion or argument. Another tactic that usually goes with “Righteousness” is raising the volume of their voice or writing their message in caps or bold to assert “power”. This is a persuasive control and we have all been subjected to it and most likely swayed by its imminent agenda. When’s the last time you followed, supported or even voted for a gentle, soft spoken person?! And what do these soft spoken person’s invite? They invite your soft, gentle and quiet self to be present and experience their truth not the heightened vibration of their voice or words. It’s not even the words they are giving to you. It is “Presence”.  “Presence” perhaps versus Propaganda…just a thought.

The common outcome of “internalized oppression” is to dice up, fragment, separate the external reality  and essentially be divorced from our real self. It turns our guts inside out. The terrorizing, the fear, the culprits all come from “out there”. Thus we develop tactics to fend off the “out there”. But in truth the real struggle is the self imposed, internalized defense mechanisms that we have created to justify ourselves to ourselves. We have become our own “terrorist” because we have dumbed down ourselves so as not to attract any more assaults. We bury our fear behind socially acceptable smiles. We don’t question truth and reality because that may invite an outrage, someone’s angry reactions and possibly penalties such as losing a JOB, having a spouse, partner or friend end the relationship, etc. So this internalized fear has shut us the F— Up. No one wants to rock the boat for mere revelation of truth. It’s more comfortable and less risky to accept limitations imposed upon ourselves. And then we ask ourselves why is there suffering and struggle in the world?!

The reason we have so much fear is we don’t know there is any alternative. We don’t know that there is a real and empowered spirit that is our self. Why? Because nothing in our culture cultivated our spirt and self empowerment. We are like babes in this scenario. Some of us have barely learned to crawl never mind standing upright in our power. So what do babes need? They need gentle prompts, nurturance, safe environments to explore without threats and brainwashing of how we are expected to be but how we are. That does not exist except in the quiet and hidden places of small groups or families trying to make a difference. But then those well sheltered children have to face the reality of our world. This is now what our youths are up against.

Revealing to ourselves who we really are, Spirit, is very frightening because we recognize how vulnerable and gentle we truly are. In the face of our world we are “mis-fitted” to our true nature. So we have learned survival skills, self imposed “internalized oppression”.

Our “exit” so-to-speak is to enter the healing and revealing process and begin to let go of fear. This is not an easy task. The path has to un-cover all your pain, suffering, self doubt, inadequacy, anger and apathy. You can only “Love” your way through this, develop compassion for yourself and deepen your trust in who you truly are…Spirit. It is a call to get clean, clear, purge and open to receive a greater experience of yourself. Perception that has been calibrated to look outward is asking to look inward. Face the uglies of yourself and “love them to death”. There lies the greatest fear of all, Death, the unknown and the great solitude of reality that goes with it.

The choice is to continue at the hands of an outward imposed fear provocation or go into your own deep, dark self imposed provocation of fear and face death. Let it go!

I have come to the conclusion that whenever I observe myself or anyone else having a “reaction” it is a sign of woundedness and unhealed “matrix conditioning”.

One of my favorite lines of Janis Joplin has always been “Freedom is just another word for nothing else left to lose”. Spot on!

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2 thoughts on “Something In The Truth-Telling Scares Us

    Tracey Kenyon Ledebur said:
    December 7, 2015 at 7:52 pm

    Wonderfully thought-provoking article Blue. Your insight and wisdom continue to enlighten all of us. So grateful for your openness to share the wisdom you acquire through such profound self study. Big thank you! XOXO


      bluestardeerwomon responded:
      December 7, 2015 at 8:07 pm

      Thankyou Deer One…always appreciate your connectedness and openess…I like sharing resonance with you!


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