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From the get-go you were forewarned not to reveal all your light…just some. That was a daunting message to hear and it took years to get it. It took having a strange experience of becoming invisible at times. Somehow you simply were not seen. It took another bunch of years to understand that one.
The revelation that you could possibly be resonating a vibration outside the collective consciousness was simply unimaginable. And then as a result there was no collective consciousness to recognize you thus you were invisible. Years later a small pop of you occurred in others and all of sudden that part of you was seen, recognized, even celebrated. But by that point you had already entered another zone where the invisibility repeated itself. You again had pushed the skin of consciousness and had to await the catch-up of the collective. It took awhile to not get big headed about this. In fact, it nearly scared me half to death each time it occurred. The stranger in a strange land had its very frightening consequences. Simply it was a blatant aloneness, not belonging and at times a rather excruciating existence…WTF said many times.
How I didn’t choose to end my life is beyond my understanding. Something kept me going and something kept pushing that nasty boundary I could never be at peace with. I simply couldn’t accept limitations. It was no lie and conformity in any shape, way or form totally put me in outrage and utter disgust. I then claimed myself as a “system buster”. But this egoic choice didn’t give me comfort. I was still alone and becoming more so as I evolved. The ego I left behind but the truth of be-ing a “system buster” was inevitably the truth of my actions and presence. I couldn’t play myself down because I could feel the self lie. I started to temper my presence within the social milieu but didn’t fully relax or breathe until I was home alone.
I then took to the stage as I could harness artistic license and be fully who I was. It took years before my audience genuinely got me and also recognized I could scare the heck out of them if they took me too seriously. But as stated above as the audience got me I arrived at yet another push and they weren’t real certain of what they were experiencing of me. None-the-less, my acting was real but on the stage the viewer can view whatever they want. Few continued to follow along and that was ok as long as I had someplace within this world conformity that I could be me. Ultimately I had to take a break and do some deep serious soul searching on who was I really?
It turned out that I had to accept this edge I created and lived upon. I accepted how this fit or didn’t fit in with most of my world and those who surrounded me. I made peace with my aloneness and started to write mostly to dialogue with myself and all the invisible other realms I communicate with daily. My vision and viewing of things entertained me and occasionally a close friend or two would truly get some of who I was. But these relationships needed understandable space from me as well. It seemed I could be a bit much to live with so spaciousness was the antidote. Obviously partnership ultimately left my life. I had to do this leg of the journey alone.
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Two Books are now ready for purchase.
“Diary of A Blue Be-ing” Part One, A multi-dimensional, rhythmic, poetic, cosmic collection of excerpts portraying an intimate exploration of self unraveling as a Divine Spiritual Be-ing within a Divine Earthly Suit. – Available for purchase here: http://www.oronjo.com/live/next/?fi=97158
“Shamanic Improvisation”Part 1 A body of work developed over the past 35 years sharing guidance and prompts in “The Art of Be-ing In The Moment” and “Going Between The Worlds”.
Shamanic Improvisation is sensing and feeling, moving and sounding with each and every subtle energy. Through the quieting of within we learn to hear and feel the impulses of our inner dance.
I gently guide you and create a safe environment for you to uncover your Shamanic Dancer-Sounder-Spoken Word Self.
As the journey unfolds you learn about the alchemist within, the be-ing inside of you who transforms and makes necessary changes.
This alchemical magic occurs while dancing “Between the Worlds.
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